Just got back from what was supposed to be a 3-day weekend in Vegas.....It ended up being a 5 day weekend! We couldn't get a flight out to save our lives. I thought I was in groundhog day! Everyday we'd get up before dawn, hail our taxi and off to the airport we'd go. Then we'd sit and wait only to find out we weren't leaving! Talk about stress! Vegas is one town where when you're done, you're done! I prayed...I asked for favor....I affirmed and did everything I could....No go! I had to surrender. It was frustrating, but I did the best I could to really take good care of myself, by going to quiet places, journalling, taking bubble baths and extra vitamin C....going to bed extra early....Oh, of course, a part of me wanted to just eat that extra chocolate to treat myself,or say to heck with it and stay up all night at the slots. But I knew my stress level was high and that was the last thing I really needed. I'm proud of myself because I practiced "radical Self-care"
What do you do to manage times of extra stress? Eat more? Smoke more? Drink more? gamble more or do you double up on self-care efforts....extra vitamins, a nap, quiet time, journalling, eating extremely healthy - lots of extra fresh vegies and fruits, a long walk or run? That's what I call RadicalSelf-care!!! When everything in you wants to indulge yourself, but instead you take care of yourself!!! Don't regress - progress! (not perfection)...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Stockholm Syndrome???
Stockholm Syndrome: What is it? Wikepedia defines it this way: "A paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors that appear irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims". This term came about in 1973 in Sweden when two bank robbers held four hostages, three women and one man, for 131 hours. The hostages were strapped with dynamite and held in a bank vault until they were finally rescued.
After their rescue, the hostages exhibited a shocking attitude considering they were threatened, abused, and feared for their lives for over five days. In their media interviews, it was clear that the hostages had bonded emotionally with their captors.
Another way to put this is that the hostages had more empathy for their captors than they did for themselves and what they had been through. Stockholm Syndrome is what likely kept Jaycee Lee Dugard (rescued last year) with her captor for 18 years.
Therapists are very accustomed to seeing this phenomena in victims of trauma, such as, abused children, battered women, Prisoners of War, cult members, incest victims, criminal hostage situations, and concentration camp prisoners.
In our Healing Pathways 3-day Trauma Intensive, my co-therapist and I often look for signs of Stockholm Syndrome in the participants. It subtly shows up as super-loyalty to their childhood abusers and more awareness of their abusers' (often their parents) feelings than their own....The client will say things like, "Yes, my mom abused me, but she had me so young, she didn't know what she was doing." or "My dad sexually molested me, but he was also molested as a child."....All this sounds like the person truly has worked through something, but upon further questioning, they have not.
To recover, trauma victims must first get back in touch with their child feeling reality that they have suppressed and minimized- what it felt like to be the child experiencing the pain that they suffered. The victim must in a way re-experience that pain and have empathy for themselves as the child who went through it and for the moment stop having empathy for the abuser.
Empathy is very different from self-pity. It is is a special form of compassion. Being able to have compassion or empathy for ourselves as a child who experienced pain takes us out of the Stockholm Syndrome and moves us forward.......and is a vital first step toward self-love!
Easier said than done....Next post: How to develop empathy for ourselves
After their rescue, the hostages exhibited a shocking attitude considering they were threatened, abused, and feared for their lives for over five days. In their media interviews, it was clear that the hostages had bonded emotionally with their captors.
Another way to put this is that the hostages had more empathy for their captors than they did for themselves and what they had been through. Stockholm Syndrome is what likely kept Jaycee Lee Dugard (rescued last year) with her captor for 18 years.
Therapists are very accustomed to seeing this phenomena in victims of trauma, such as, abused children, battered women, Prisoners of War, cult members, incest victims, criminal hostage situations, and concentration camp prisoners.
In our Healing Pathways 3-day Trauma Intensive, my co-therapist and I often look for signs of Stockholm Syndrome in the participants. It subtly shows up as super-loyalty to their childhood abusers and more awareness of their abusers' (often their parents) feelings than their own....The client will say things like, "Yes, my mom abused me, but she had me so young, she didn't know what she was doing." or "My dad sexually molested me, but he was also molested as a child."....All this sounds like the person truly has worked through something, but upon further questioning, they have not.
To recover, trauma victims must first get back in touch with their child feeling reality that they have suppressed and minimized- what it felt like to be the child experiencing the pain that they suffered. The victim must in a way re-experience that pain and have empathy for themselves as the child who went through it and for the moment stop having empathy for the abuser.
Empathy is very different from self-pity. It is is a special form of compassion. Being able to have compassion or empathy for ourselves as a child who experienced pain takes us out of the Stockholm Syndrome and moves us forward.......and is a vital first step toward self-love!
Easier said than done....Next post: How to develop empathy for ourselves
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